Prophecies
by Midnightstar101
Summary: Lionheart & Ashfur make fake prophecies at thier most hated warriors! Halarity inside! R&R!
1. Intro

~In Starclan~

Lionheart- Hey Bluestar you know what would be funny?

Bluestar- What could possibly be funny in Starclan?

Lionheart- I have an idea. What if we send out a fake prophecy?

Bluestar- That's crazy! These cats work hard, no need to add more stress to their daily lives.

Lionheart- Oh come on! A few little pranks wouldn't hurt.

Bluestar- No Lionheart! That's enough; I don't want to hear anymore about this. *Walks away

Lionheart- Fine! I'll get another cat to do it with! *Turns around and walks away

00000000

Lionheart- Hey Ashfur, how's it going? You hangin in there?

Ashfur- I guess. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm not burning in hell; after all I tried to murder my lover and her fake kids.

Lionheart- That's tough. You know what could help?

Ashfur- What? I'm mental.

Lionheart- *whispers plan into ear *

Ashfur- Hehe, that tickles, I'll do it!

000000000000

A/N- ok that's all im writing for now until I get some more reviews!!!


	2. Pranking Squirrelflight

~After hours of planning~

Lionheart- Yes! Now we can finally get revenge on our enemies!

Ashfur- Wait, can I go first?

Lionheart- Sure. Who are you going to "prank"?

Ashfur- Tehe, Squirrelflight!

00000000000

~Thunderclan camp~

Squirrelflight- You must understand, Hollyleaf, I didn't love you because-

Hollyleaf- You know what "mom"? You're a bitch, and bitches deserve to get laid, I mean, uh, slapped!

*Smacks with paw *

Walks away.

Then comes back.

Then turned her head to the left.

Then turned her head to the right.

Then looked down.

Then looked up.

Then looked at her "mom".

Hollyleaf- And if you haven't figured this out already, YOU'RE A BITCH!

Walks away.

Then comes back.

Then turns her head to the left.

Then turns her to the right- oh just forget it.

Walks away.

Squirrelflight- I'm so depressed, I need to go to my hiddy hole and cut myself.

Walks into the forest.

Goes to hiddy hole.

Cuts herself.

00000000

~Starclan~

Lionheart- Okay, when we send the prophecy, you need to look like Bluestar so she will believe you!

Ashfur- How the hell do we do that?

Lionheart- Blue paint!

00000000000000

Squirrelflight comes out of her hiddy hole. Dried blood stains her ankles and legs…thankfully covering up the cuts….

Squirrelflight- If its bigger on topper, it must be improper!

All of a sudden a cat stood in front of her.

Squirrelflight- Holy cow! Sweet lordy wit da cornbread! (okay I have Horseangel101 to thank for that) Who are you?

Ashfur/Bluestar- I am Bluestar, a Starclan cat, sent here to give you a prophecy.

Squirrelflight- Why do you have blue paint all over your body?

Ashfur/Bluestar- Well, uh, why are you looking at my body?

Squirrelflight- Your kinda hawt.

Ashfur/Bluestar- *stutters * That's not the point…anyway here's your message-

Squirrelflight- I'M NOT LISTENING!!!! NA NA NA I CAN"T HEAR YOU! * Puts claws in ear *

Ashfur/Bluestar- How did I ever _like _this piece of shit?

Squirrelflight- LA LA LA!!!!!! I'M NOT PERFECT, BUT THAT'S OKAY, I'M NOT PERFECT, I LIKE ME ANYWAY!!!!!!!! Okay I'm done what's your message?

Ashfur/Bluestar- You need to be honest to the one you love…go ahead, tell them your secret…

Squirrelflight- Who do I tell? And what secret?

Ashfur/Bluestar- You need to tell Brambleclaw, Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather, but Jayfeather's worth crap so you don't have to tell him. Let him walk aimlessly around in a circle all day.

Squirrelflight- Will do! Wait, what secret?

*Whisper *

Squirrelflight- Oh that one! OKAY

Walks away.

Then comes back.

Then turned her head to the left.

Then turned her head to the right.

Then looked down.

Then looked up.

Then walked away.

Ashfur- This is working brilliantly!

0000000000

I must admit it was very fun writing this chapter! Enjoy and review pwease!


	3. Crowfeather

A/N- Okay so I got this next idea from Lionstar369. Hope ya'll like it lolzlolzololz.

00000000

Sqiurrelflight burst into camp.

Squirrelflight- I gots a confession Thunderclan!

Foxkit- I knew you would have regretted not having a v8! They all do

Sqiurrelflight- I- Sqiurrelflight- am- a-

Ashfur/Bluestar- Yes yes go on……

Sqiurrelflight- I am a virgin!!!! EXECPT ME!!!!

Ashfur- This was not what I was expecting. Bullshit.

~Back up in Starclan~

Ashfur- That wasn't even entertaining! We need to come up with something else! Something better! Something that will involve more cats!

Lionheart- How bout a giant condom?

Ashfur- What will that do?

Lionheart- I dunno, maybe we just surround the whole warriors territory with a, giant condom. See where that leads us.

Ashfur-No. It needs to be better than that even!

Lionheart- How about we tell all the warriors that we hate the same prophecy, that way they will all end up in the same place.

Ashfur- Brilliant!

Lionheart- How about we lead them all t that lesbian badger, Midnight?

Ashfur- Your mind amazes me.

AND SO THE IDEA WAS BORN!!!!!!

~Windclan~

Onestar- God dammit, Crowfeather, how many times do I have to tell you? You miss every time you take a shit, its time you learn how to start aiming!

Crowfeather- My life is a swirling black world of shit.

Onestar- Get your ass over here!

Crowfeather- Nah, old man, I'd rather take a nap.

~In his dream~

Ashfur- I have a prophecy for you

Crowfeather- Please tell me my girlfriend wont get pregnant.

Ashfur- No that not it. Remember that time you met that lesbian?

Crowfeather- Oh ya! Midnight! How could I forget?

Ashfur- Go to her.

Crowfeather- And?

Ashfur- Just go to her.

Crowfeather- And?

Ashfur- You are worthless.

Crowfeather- That, sir, is what I want to hear. Good day to you.

Fin

000000000


End file.
